Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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