apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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