how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
