So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
