Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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