apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
