i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
