just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
