I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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