anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
