the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize