i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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