I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize