How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
