you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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