i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
