MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
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