dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
