Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
