Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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