New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
