I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
