Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
