Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize