i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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