Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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