Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
