What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
