i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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