Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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