She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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