i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
