Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
