So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
