You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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