am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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