im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
