Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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