I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
