Michael Bay diarrhea
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
