I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
