She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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