Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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