dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
