then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
