do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We left the knife in your bed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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