So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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