I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
