based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
