I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
