Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize