Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
