I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
