May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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