Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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