I bet he comes in French.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
