Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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