Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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