So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
