You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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