no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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