with your own penis?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize