So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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