PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
