If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
