It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
