dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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