Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
